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This Day In History

September 16, 2009 by nick

758228ee56e31a90_landingEverybody ignores September the 16th. For that, they are fools.

As we all know, the forces of Heaven and Hell constantly wage war over the dominion of Earth and the souls of its inhabitants. Joseph Stalin is remembered as one of history’s greatest villains, and for all we know, rightfully so. However, all of this was a ruse. Stalin was selected at a young age by the Archangel Gabriel to construct a Force Altar, a shrine dedicated to goodness that could actually channel holy energy and smite Satan’s minions.

In order to do so, however, Stalin would need to obtain unopposed, unlimited power, and the rise of the Soviet Union provided just such an opportunity. Each day of tyrannical totalitarian rule yielding limitless death and fear caused Joseph a sleepless night of self-flagellation and penitence.

On September 16th, 1952, Stalin finally completed the Force Altar. However, as he moved to activate it, Nikita Krushchev leaped out of the shadows and wrestled Stalin to the ground using unholy power granted to him by the hideous Archdemon Rek’zuul. Struggle though he might, the elderly Stalin was no match, and Krushchev would corrupt the Force Altar and use its power for evil.

Stalin lingered for several months after the struggle, miserable and broken, his only vengeance would be sketching images of Krushchev fellating farm animals in his private diaries. Krushchev was not upset by this, as he actually did fellate farm animals as part of his pact with the nether realms.

Perhaps further delving into the scrolls of This Day In History will reveal the rest of this tale!


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