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November, 2009

  1. EPISODE 70

    November 30, 2009 by admin

    NEXT TIME ON THE GOLD COAST: THE REALITY SHOW ABOUT COUGARS AND THE MEN WHO HUNT THEM:

    NOW THAT NICK HAS HIS JD, HE USES IT TO FIND LOOPHOLES IN PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENTS AND THEN SLEEPS WITH WOMEN IN ORDER TO EXPLOIT THEM.

    SWIFTY HEADS TO MONTREAL TO TRY TO PICK UP OLDER WOMEN USING ONLY FRENCH

    PETE TAKES TO THE STAGE IN HIS ONE-MAN PLAY ABOUT WHY REAL MEN ONLY DRIVE THE ALL-NEW TOYOTA 4RUNNERâ„¢

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  2. Happy Thanksgiving

    November 26, 2009 by nick

    Enjoy this film, which we have treasured through the ages. I am thankful for it.

    Today we mourn the loss of this brilliant commercial, which poses the really important question – “Spiderman, what’s crackin’, baby?”


  3. This Day In History

    November 24, 2009 by nick

    November 24th.

    Sure, you’re walking around thinking about how great November 24th, 2009 is. You’re probably thinking that it’s the best November 24th ever. Probably even better than the one in 1966 when New York experienced the smoggiest day in its history (Yep! That’s right! Even smoggier than December 15th, 1952!) (I know, we couldn’t believe it either!).

    But that’s where you’re wrong. What’s your fucking problem? The greatest November 24th of all time was easily in 1982.

    On this day, Ronald Reagan once and for all proved that Boy George is in fact heterosexual. After inviting the self-described bisexual pop singer to the White House – Regan claimed it was a political move to “hip up the White House for the younger generation.” – Ronald lured B.G. into the Lincoln bedroom with promises of showing him relics of the nation’s past. Instead, he dismissed his secret service agents and presented his genitals, demanding that Boy George do his “patriotic duty” and fellate “[him] until [his] eyes rolled back in [his] fucking skull.”

    Boy George, of course, refused. This inspired him to write the hit song “Karma Chameleon”, which revolutionized how America conceived of lizards in pop culture. Geico readily acknowledges their gecko mascot would not exist if not for this song. Boy George willingly changed his colours [for the] good of the nation.

    Click here to learn more about how Boy George’s refusal proves his heterosexuality. No one could refuse R.R.!


  4. dicks dicks dicks

    November 24, 2009 by nick

    dicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicksdicks
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  5. EPISODE 69

    November 21, 2009 by ryan

    THIS IS WHAT YOU GETPREVIOUSLY ON CLIKIT OR TIKIT…

    PETE HAS THE HOUSE ALL TO HIMSELF, AND HOSTS A RAGING PARTY, BUT THINGS GO SOUTH WHEN HE ACCIDENTALLY INVITES MEMBERS FROM TWO DIFFERENT MEXICAN DRUG CARTELS!

    GLENN CAN’T MAKE ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY HIS RENT SO HE MOVES INTO THE LOCAL NORDSTROM’S, HOUSING HIMSELF INSIDE THE RACK OF DISCOUNT DRESSES, WHERE NOBODY WILL EVER FIND HIM (OR SO HE THINKS…)

    NICK’S KIDNEYS FAIL.

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  6. EPISODE 68

    November 16, 2009 by ryan

    SPOILER ALERT: GLENN SLIDES IN LIKE THE WACKY NEIGHBOR DOES A THIRD OF THE WAY INTO THE EPISODE. AND JUST LIKE SEINFELD, OUR SHOW CAN ONLY BE UNDERSTOOD IF YOU LIVE IN HELL’S KITCHEN.

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  7. Rejected Law School Applications #2: Stanford University

    November 15, 2009 by nick

    Like Mary Willits of Flint, Michigan, this individual had unrequited love for a law school – although this gentleman decided to aim a little bit higher. Stanford is considered to be a top five law school by almost any measurement. Apparently the application of Marco Gonzalez was not up to the rigorous standards of this Harvard-Of-The-West.

    “Dear Stanford,

    Growing up in East LA I heard about your school all the time. I have had to work for everything I have. I started at Pasadena Community College after getting my GED. After I got my associates degree I transferred to a real college. I know lots of kids my age have parents who just bought them college but my parents said I had to work for what I wanted. Their parents never gave them nothing so why I should just have free stuff, y’know?
    So I needed to make money. I started with a paper route when I was in middle school on a bike I built myself out of old gutters and wheels I found in a dump. It didn’t have brakes but I just figured it helped me get my route done faster. It made me enough money to buy comic books, but I always slipped one dollar out of every paycheck into my mattress like my abuela showed me. She used to hide her money in her mattress in Colombia to protect it from the cartels. My older brothers are a lot like a cartel, because there are eight of them and they will beat you up and take your money.
    I have had moral dilemmas before too. Like when my buddy Paco stole an 8th of weed from a dealer he was hiding my house and the dealer came to my house and was like, “yo ese wheres that piece of s*** paco?!” And I was like, I don’t wanna lie, y’know? But Paco would get iced if I said. And it’d be my house and that’d be bad, but Paco hadn’t exactly been moral y’know? So it was tough. I told him I had seen Paco down the street an hour ago. It was technically true but it didn’t tell him where Paco is now. Well, Paco isn’t here now while I’m writing this, but then. That “now.”
    I want to be a lawyer because I want to bring justice to my neighborhood. I think that people from my neighborhood need to know that they can’t fuck with me without going to jail. The cops here are all crooked and a lot of them push drugs and guns into my neighborhood. But sometimes they aren’t cool, like when they hassle you for having a drink in public. I mean sure, you probably shouldn’t but don’t you got better things to do?
    I did real good on my LSAT, as you can see. It should be on the other part of this application somewhere so I won’t waste your time by repeating the score here. If you wanna know what it is keep track of your papers. I was saying Stanford is real hard to get into, but my old high school teacher said, “Marco, I believe in you even if nobody else don’t.” He said that because I’m from a bad neighborhood I’ll probably get in because I haven’t been to jail and I worked hard in school. He said he wanted to go to Stanford but couldn’t because he got accused of rape – it wasn’t like the girl didn’t want to but she was young or something. That’s what he said.
    Anyways, I think about legal questions like that. Like, how old are you when you can consent? That can really mess up your life. And if you’re a girl and you shouldn’t be fucking around with old dudes you probably shouldn’t be doing that.”

    In an interview in a local paper, Marco was quoted as having said that failing to get into a law school didn’t discourage him, and that as soon as he saves up enough money for a “really dope spoiler” for his car he has some really good career plans, mostly revolving around his boy Paco who “owes [me] a solid.”


  8. Rejected Law School Applications #1: University of Miami

    November 12, 2009 by nick

    Every accredited Law School requires a Personal Statement as part of their application for admission. Here at Clikit or Tikit, we have acquired a tome of rejected applications from top law schools around the country, and will post them for your amusement. This one comes to us from Mary Willits of Flint, Michigan. Her hopes of enrolling at University of Miami Law School were crushed when this essay was rejected:

    “Two roads diverged in a wood… When Robert Frost wrote these words he did not understand how much they would mean to me. Growing up in Flint, Michigan I learned to appreciate a strong work ethic. Although my family was always financially secure due to my father’s lucrative position as owner of a Little Caesar’s pizza franchise, I grew up with a blue collar mentality. Many of my friends drove really ugly cars that didn’t work very well. But that didn’t stop them. They would save up all of their money to buy car stereos or Nike shoes. This shows that my community gave me a sense of diversity. Diversity is very important to me, because I want to be diverse.

    I always worked really hard at my Dad’s pizza restaurant. One week out of every summer my Dad would have me work as a hostess and I would have to find a place for people to sit and sometimes there weren’t enough places to sit – but I had to work hard like my Dad taught me. I would use this really cool system that I invented where I would put colored stickers on a drawing of all the tables where people were sitting. Fat people would get brown stickers!

    I have overcome a lot of adversity as well. Sure, I went to a private school after my freshman year in high school, and went to a small private college in Wisconsin, but that’s not as easy as it sounds. At college lots of people smoked a lot of weed, and it was really hard not to. I showed my strength of character by not smoking pot. I only hooked up with like a few guys too. The worst piece of adversity came when I was dressed up for a Halloween party my sophomore year. The party was at a frat house, and I was dressed up as a slutty German beer frau (I believe in international diversity!) and I had these super cute garters on. But at the party I got separated from my friends and wound up doing shots in a room of one of the brothers. Before I knew it I was giving head to like 4 guys. None of them called me back, but my grades didn’t drop at all! I knew that I was worth something even if none of those guys did!

    I know how to work really hard, and I am diverse and come from a blue collar community so I think that I could really improve your school. I love the beach, and I love to read – my favorite author is Dan Brown – and I want to be a lawyer. I overcame a lot of hard stuff and the LSAT was really hard, but I am more than just my test scores! Thanks so much for reading this!!”

    Three years later, Mary is a manager at her father’s Little Caesar’s in Flint. In her spare time, Mary enjoys battling her crystal meth addiction and cruising the internet for a rich man to take her away to Toronto or, “some other place in Europe.”


  9. EPISODE 67

    November 2, 2009 by ryan

    MUCH LIKE THAT EPISODE OF THE ADVENTURES OF PETE AND PETE, WE ALL GET TO WATCH MELISSA JOAN HART TRAVEL BACK IN TIME FOR ONE HOUR TO UNDO THE MISTAKES IN HER LOVE LIFE

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