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February, 2010

  1. EPISODE 90

    February 26, 2010 by ryan

    ATTENTION VITAMIN SHOPPE: THERE IS NO WAY YOU ARE ABLE TO STAY IN BUSINESS. MOVE TO THE INTERNET.

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  2. This Day In History: The Origins of Groundhog Day

    February 26, 2010 by nick

    Traditionally those in the United States and Canada associate Groundhog Day with February 2nd, and it consists of the eponymous animal emerging from his burrow and making a weather prediction. Unsurprisingly, the cultural roots of this North American holiday lie in their mother island of the U.K.

    Indeed, to ancient Britons every February was a time for great speculation. The name of the holiday comes from the Norse term grisa, -de, -t — (1) What a sow does when she gets piglets. (2) To behave like a pig, typically in conjunction to a party. The residents of each village in Southwestern England near Wales would spend all of February holding rudimentary boxing tournaments amongst eligible young men. The worst fighter would then be put into a pit, unarmed, with the largest wild boar that the villagers could find.

    The ensuing fight would have profound importance to the morale of the tribe. If the boar was victorious – as was overwhelmingly the case – the village would celebrate, and consider it a sacrifice to nature. The Britons believed that it would be the precursor for a strong growing season. On the very rare occasion that the poor fighter managed to subdue the boar, he would be given all of the alcoholic beverages in the village and told to dance until he passed out.

    An amendment to the healthcare bill to bring back this tradition was proposed by a coalition of Democratic and Republican Congressmen and is the focus of Barack Obama’s Healthcare Summit. Proponents say it will help fix American crop yields, while opponents say it doesn’t do enough and should be far more extreme.


  3. EPISODE 89

    February 25, 2010 by ryan

    I’M CONCERNED THAT I’M JUST VIEWING GUYS AS JUST A ‘BAG OF MEAT’ WHO WANTS TO PLOW ME, IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME?

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  4. Hey guys!

    February 22, 2010 by nick

    Listen to this!


  5. EPISODE 88

    February 22, 2010 by ryan

    MORE IS PREFERABLE TO LESS

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  6. Guest Contributor: Kufta On The Dangers of Internet Dating

    February 16, 2010 by nick

    Friend of the cast has provided us with this chat transcript with an actual American college student. Names have been changed to protect the naive and the cynical. Commentary provided by our intrepid contributor, Kufta.

    The Realities of Internet Dating
    The following is a real conversation, held February 15th, 2010 over Facebook chat. The content of the conversation has not been altered in any way but the names have been changed for a host of legal and ethical reasons. The italicized text commentary after-the-fact.
    Diane
    u should try match.com
    11:32am Jack
    mmmmm, im not into the internet dating thing
    tho i probably might as well
    have you had any luck?
    11:34am Diane
    i went on a couple of dates that were ok i mean hey what do you have to lose a couple hours of your life.. I have a few dates this week and theres actually alot of quality people out there. – An interesting thesis.
    11:35am Jack
    do people go into the dates implicitly expecting sex?
    11:35am Diane
    of course not
    11:35am Jack
    thats always the feeling ive gotten from those plaaces
    that the internet is some bubbling fuck-cauldron where degenerates gather to conceive their wretched hellspawn. – My counter-thesis.
    11:36am Diane
    its actually alot of professionals
    11:36am Jack
    yeah fair enough
    11:37am Diane
    alot of doctors and lawyers not sure hyou care about that though
    11:37am Jack
    no i def dont
    11:37am Diane
    wouldnt hurt to have a sugar momma thouh
    11:37am Jack
    thats a good point
    11:37am Diane
    though
    lol
    11:37am Jack
    she goes to work at the law firm while i sit in my room doing drugs and writing songs
    yes please
    how about you Diane? on the lookout for that jewish doctor of your dreams?
    11:38am Diane
    nah cant marry a jewish doctor because everyone already expects me too. – J.A.P Alert
    lol
    11:39am Jack
    so an indian doctor then?
    perhaps a jewish banker?
    let’s go right on down the list of stereotypes. How about a mexican wrestler?
    chico loco is out there, waiting for YOU Diane.
    no but seriously i wish you the best of luck on the whole match.com search thing. im obviously just fucking around. – Bait.
    11:41am Diane
    hahaha i know it makes m loaugh
    laugh
    i have an interesting story about this onee dude. – That didn’t take long. Perhaps this is one of those ‘quality people’ she was telling me about.
    11:42am Jack
    im listening
    11:43am Diane
    also im addicted to okcupid and match.com
    i cant stop going on
    this guy i met on there was into some freaky stuff
    11:44am Jack
    this sounds like the intro of the story
    11:45am Diane
    he was into enlarging genitials. – Ah, there it is.
    11:45am Jack
    what
    he must have been fucking with you
    11:45am Diane
    check out this site
    no he was dead serious
    11:46am Jack
    lol what site
    is it going to horrify me?
    11:47am Diane
    its pretty graphich should i wait to send it to you
    graphic

    11:48am Jack
    nah its ok
    11:48am Diane
    dont send it
    ?
    11:48am Jack
    send away
    ill watch it
    11:49am Diane
    it wont let me send the link
    11:49am Jack
    lol “THIS CONTENT IS TOO FUCKED UP FOR FACEBOOK.”
    is it too much of a pain in the ass to type it?
    11:52am Diane
    www.kickasspussypump.com/pussy-pumps.php
    11:52am Jack
    jesus fucking christ
    hahahahhahaha you just typed that into facebook chat
    11:52am Diane
    i warned you.
    11:53am Jack
    so what did he like about it?
    was it him trying to tell you he had a big dick or something?
    11:53amDiane
    he said it makes girls more sensitive and he thinks it looks prettier – Remember what I said about degenerates?
    i think its scary
    11:53am Jack
    ‘normal vaginas are too small, i need an enlarged one or i cant fit hurr hurr’
    yeah its fucking horrifying
    so needless to say you pumped that shit up for him right
    got out the old basketball inflator and went to town?
    this pussypump thing is a comedy gold mine. i bet Andrea has like 5 of them already. There’s a much, much better story involving the girl mentioned here but it is for another time.
    11:55am Diane
    eww gross
    i couldnt go through with it
    11:55am Jack
    holy shit it sounds like you considered it ahhahahaha
    11:56am Diane
    hahhaa
    say it got stuck?
    he also had a cock pump
    he was a freak
    11:57am Jack
    say it didnt. say it went totally fine. you still inflated your pussy for the sexual gratification of some dude you met over the internet. That’s what would have happened
    ahahhahaha im cracking up so hard right now
    im at work too i gotta shut up this is bad
    11:57am Diane
    indeed gotta have some self respect right
    ok ill talk to you later
    11:58am Jack
    hahaha no its ok, ill just stop laughing so hard
    tho i am outta here in the next 5 minutes or so to get lunch
    cock pump
    man. did he bring it to your first date?
    11:58am Diane
    ok talk to you later
    no lol
    11:59am Jack
    thats amazing. thats a great ‘tales from the internet dating service’ story right there Diane.

    The Moral of the Story: Internet Dating – Precisely as fucked up as dictated by conventional wisdom.


  7. EPISODE 87

    February 13, 2010 by ryan

    GODDAMNIT LISTENER ALYSSA WE WERE PLAYING PONG WHY DID YOU HAVE TO HASSLE US LIKE THIS

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  8. Jokes Jokes Jokes

    February 12, 2010 by nick

    Hope you guys like jokes.

    Here’s the recording of Nick’s stand up set from Dec. 29th at Comix. Pete’s is in the editing bay, being given cybernetic parts and enhanced and CG and shit.


  9. EPISODE 86

    February 6, 2010 by ryan

    HELLO SIR THIS IS JOHN FROM NIELSEN CALLING. THIS CALL MAY BE RECORDED. WHAT RADIO DO YOU LISTEN TO? NO, CLIKIT OR TIKIT IS NOT A ‘GENRE’. ALSO, DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN 12 OR UNDER WHO ARE LATINO IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD? THANKS THAT IS ALL.

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  10. A Great Read

    February 4, 2010 by nick

    For those of our listeners who don’t listen at all, but in fact read, you should really check out Critelli’s latest two updates, beginning with Part One here. They are a true account of the mild mannered, polite Mike trying to navigate his way through a West Coast Bermuda Triangle of awful 80s pop culture and a childish imitation of Wall Street. I read the whole thing and was unhappy when I finished that there wasn’t any more to read.