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Rejected Law School Applications #2: Stanford University

November 15, 2009 by nick

Like Mary Willits of Flint, Michigan, this individual had unrequited love for a law school – although this gentleman decided to aim a little bit higher. Stanford is considered to be a top five law school by almost any measurement. Apparently the application of Marco Gonzalez was not up to the rigorous standards of this Harvard-Of-The-West.

“Dear Stanford,

Growing up in East LA I heard about your school all the time. I have had to work for everything I have. I started at Pasadena Community College after getting my GED. After I got my associates degree I transferred to a real college. I know lots of kids my age have parents who just bought them college but my parents said I had to work for what I wanted. Their parents never gave them nothing so why I should just have free stuff, y’know?
So I needed to make money. I started with a paper route when I was in middle school on a bike I built myself out of old gutters and wheels I found in a dump. It didn’t have brakes but I just figured it helped me get my route done faster. It made me enough money to buy comic books, but I always slipped one dollar out of every paycheck into my mattress like my abuela showed me. She used to hide her money in her mattress in Colombia to protect it from the cartels. My older brothers are a lot like a cartel, because there are eight of them and they will beat you up and take your money.
I have had moral dilemmas before too. Like when my buddy Paco stole an 8th of weed from a dealer he was hiding my house and the dealer came to my house and was like, “yo ese wheres that piece of s*** paco?!” And I was like, I don’t wanna lie, y’know? But Paco would get iced if I said. And it’d be my house and that’d be bad, but Paco hadn’t exactly been moral y’know? So it was tough. I told him I had seen Paco down the street an hour ago. It was technically true but it didn’t tell him where Paco is now. Well, Paco isn’t here now while I’m writing this, but then. That “now.”
I want to be a lawyer because I want to bring justice to my neighborhood. I think that people from my neighborhood need to know that they can’t fuck with me without going to jail. The cops here are all crooked and a lot of them push drugs and guns into my neighborhood. But sometimes they aren’t cool, like when they hassle you for having a drink in public. I mean sure, you probably shouldn’t but don’t you got better things to do?
I did real good on my LSAT, as you can see. It should be on the other part of this application somewhere so I won’t waste your time by repeating the score here. If you wanna know what it is keep track of your papers. I was saying Stanford is real hard to get into, but my old high school teacher said, “Marco, I believe in you even if nobody else don’t.” He said that because I’m from a bad neighborhood I’ll probably get in because I haven’t been to jail and I worked hard in school. He said he wanted to go to Stanford but couldn’t because he got accused of rape – it wasn’t like the girl didn’t want to but she was young or something. That’s what he said.
Anyways, I think about legal questions like that. Like, how old are you when you can consent? That can really mess up your life. And if you’re a girl and you shouldn’t be fucking around with old dudes you probably shouldn’t be doing that.”

In an interview in a local paper, Marco was quoted as having said that failing to get into a law school didn’t discourage him, and that as soon as he saves up enough money for a “really dope spoiler” for his car he has some really good career plans, mostly revolving around his boy Paco who “owes [me] a solid.”


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