Friend of the cast has provided us with this chat transcript with an actual American college student. Names have been changed to protect the naive and the cynical. Commentary provided by our intrepid contributor, Kufta.
The Realities of Internet Dating
The following is a real conversation, held February 15th, 2010 over Facebook chat. The content of the conversation has not been altered in any way but the names have been changed for a host of legal and ethical reasons. The italicized text commentary after-the-fact.
u should try match.com
mmmmm, im not into the internet dating thing
tho i probably might as well
have you had any luck?
i went on a couple of dates that were ok i mean hey what do you have to lose a couple hours of your life.. I have a few dates this week and theres actually alot of quality people out there. – An interesting thesis.
do people go into the dates implicitly expecting sex?
of course not
thats always the feeling ive gotten from those plaaces
that the internet is some bubbling fuck-cauldron where degenerates gather to conceive their wretched hellspawn. – My counter-thesis.
its actually alot of professionals
yeah fair enough
alot of doctors and lawyers not sure hyou care about that though
no i def dont
wouldnt hurt to have a sugar momma thouh
thats a good point
she goes to work at the law firm while i sit in my room doing drugs and writing songs
how about you Diane? on the lookout for that jewish doctor of your dreams?
nah cant marry a jewish doctor because everyone already expects me too. – J.A.P Alert
so an indian doctor then?
perhaps a jewish banker?
let’s go right on down the list of stereotypes. How about a mexican wrestler?
chico loco is out there, waiting for YOU Diane.
no but seriously i wish you the best of luck on the whole match.com search thing. im obviously just fucking around. – Bait.
hahaha i know it makes m loaugh
i have an interesting story about this onee dude. – That didn’t take long. Perhaps this is one of those ‘quality people’ she was telling me about.
also im addicted to okcupid and match.com
i cant stop going on
this guy i met on there was into some freaky stuff
this sounds like the intro of the story
he was into enlarging genitials. – Ah, there it is.
he must have been fucking with you
check out this site
no he was dead serious
lol what site
is it going to horrify me?
its pretty graphich should i wait to send it to you
nah its ok
dont send it
ill watch it
it wont let me send the link
lol “THIS CONTENT IS TOO FUCKED UP FOR FACEBOOK.”
is it too much of a pain in the ass to type it?
jesus fucking christ
hahahahhahaha you just typed that into facebook chat
i warned you.
so what did he like about it?
was it him trying to tell you he had a big dick or something?
he said it makes girls more sensitive and he thinks it looks prettier – Remember what I said about degenerates?
i think its scary
‘normal vaginas are too small, i need an enlarged one or i cant fit hurr hurr’
yeah its fucking horrifying
so needless to say you pumped that shit up for him right
got out the old basketball inflator and went to town?
this pussypump thing is a comedy gold mine. i bet Andrea has like 5 of them already. There’s a much, much better story involving the girl mentioned here but it is for another time.
i couldnt go through with it
holy shit it sounds like you considered it ahhahahaha
say it got stuck?
he also had a cock pump
he was a freak
say it didnt. say it went totally fine. you still inflated your pussy for the sexual gratification of some dude you met over the internet. That’s what would have happened
ahahhahaha im cracking up so hard right now
im at work too i gotta shut up this is bad
indeed gotta have some self respect right
ok ill talk to you later
hahaha no its ok, ill just stop laughing so hard
tho i am outta here in the next 5 minutes or so to get lunch
man. did he bring it to your first date?
ok talk to you later
thats amazing. thats a great ‘tales from the internet dating service’ story right there Diane.
The Moral of the Story: Internet Dating – Precisely as fucked up as dictated by conventional wisdom.